Ruined....
Journal Entry:
Mon Jul 6, 2009, 12:13 PM
- Mood:
Peaceful - Listening to: Radiohead
- Reading: Angela's Ashes
I seem to have forgotten what trust is. I doubt almost everything at this point, and I'm driving myself crazy. I am completely pissed about things way in the past, there's nothing I can do, but I can't just let it go either.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ME.
I've made so many mistakes in the past few days, and of course it's all been bugging me. I can never ever just forget about things and let them be in the past, I always think about the things I want to forget....
I've decided to stay offline for a week or so. No dA, no email, no chatting. I'll also have my phone off the entire time. Don't try to contact me; it will just make me mad which is not good, because you all know how I can hold grudges. Don't try to get to me through anyone I know, either. That could also possibly make me mad. If you need to talk to me, too bad. Maybe if you leave me a voicemail I'll get it.
I'm so sorry, I'm just in mega bitch mode right now. Things haven't been going too well lately and I wish I could enlighten you all, but I can. I just fucking can't. I don't know why I'm getting mad, but I am. I guess I need to vent.
But I can't. I will never be able too, and I can't get used to the fact that no one can know.... I'm barely even honest to myself now.
July 15, 2008, 2:41pm, he called me. That will be exactly one year nine days from now. So much has changed since then, too much. I wish I could go back.... Take it all away. I would be such a different person. A better person maybe? I wish I could know, I really wish I could know what I would have been like. I wish it almost more than anything.... The thing is, I don't regret any choices I've made. Whatever...
What the hell.
Maybe at the end of this I'll change my phone number. That would be interesting.
Am I making any sense at all?
--
1: 16676PCR
2: 23992350RP
3: 6689668REP
4: 6689300
--
1: 16676PCR
2: 23992350RP
3: 6689668REP
4: 6689300
--
1: 16676PCR
2: 23992350RP
3: 6689668REP
4: 6689300
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